Saturday, August 29, 2009

More Bumper Sticker Fun

Inspired by my blogging buddy Gravelo, I found some bumper sticker wisdom...

Caution: I drive like you do!

Strangers have the best candy

Save the Earth, it's the only planet with Chocolate

No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone

I didn't ask to be a princess but if the crown fits...

I'm a cruel and heartless bitch but I’m damn good at it

I brake for scholars, priests, and no apparent reason

Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go

" I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth!"
" Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Buckle up... it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car
Learn from your parent’s mistakes use birth control.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
All men are idiots, and I married their king.
Friends help you move; real friends help you move the body.
Very funny Scotty; now beam down my clothes
Saw it, wanted it, threw a fit, Got It!!
Want to get laid? Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!
Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young
We're not old people we're recycled teenagers!
Eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking?
I wasn't born a bitch; men like you made me that way.
I love to give homemade gifts, which one of my kids do you want
They didn't let me out, they just gave me a day pass!
(Front Bumper) If you can read this, I didn't hit you hard enough.
0-60 in 15 minutes!
100% Irony Free
100,000 Sperm And You Were The Fastest?
186,000 Miles/Second: It’s Not Just A Good Idea, It’s The Law!
3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

A Day Without Sunshine Is Like, You Know, Night
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.

A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
Beer: It’s Not Just For Breakfast Anymore.
Beer: The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon

Conserve toilet paper - use both sides.
Conserve water - Shower with a friend
Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
Clones are people 2

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
Do not play a leap frog with a unicorn.
Do not put a question mark where God put a period.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?

Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don't believe everything you think.
Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.

Elvis Is Dead And I’m Not Feeling Too Good Myself
Energizer Bunny Arrested; Charged With Battery
Enjoy life it's not a dress rehearsal.
Entropy Isn’t What It Used To Be
Eschew Obfuscation
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Every silver lining has a cloud.

Follow your dreams, except the one where you’re at school in your underwear.
For a small town, this one sure has a lot of assholes!
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
Forget World Peace. Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
Friends don't let friends drive naked!!
Friends Help You Move. Real Friends Help You Move Bodies.

Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
Go Braless! It will pull the wrinkles from your face.

Graduate Soon! Millions On Welfare Depend On You

God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to operate one at a time.

Gravity- It’s not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
Grow Your Own Dope, Plant A Man
Growing old is inevitable...Growing up is optional.
Gun control is a steady hand.

Help Stamp Out And Eradicate Superfluous Redundancy
Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.
Hey idiot- You're driving a car, not a phone booth
Hey man, you live in America now... speak Spanish!

Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet
Honk If You Want To See My Finger
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
I do work for food.
I Don’t Have To Be Dead To Donate My Organ
I Don’t Suffer From Insanity, I Enjoy Every Minute Of It

I don't drive fast I fly low.
I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.

Kids in the backseat cause accidents.... accidents in the backseat cause kids.

Life is not a garden, so quit being a hoe!

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand.
LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.

Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
Minds are like parachutes--they only function when open.
Mirrors can't talk. Luckily for you they can't laugh either.
Mistakes are proof that you are trying.
Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch

My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My other auto is a 9MM.
My other car is a piece of shit.
My other car sticker is funny.

Nothing Is Foolproof To A Sufficiently-Talented Fool
Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
Nothing is impossible to the person that doesn't have to do it.

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers
One more repo and I’ll be debt free!

Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from two or more.

Practice safe government. Use kingdoms.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Proud mother of a delinquent child!
Pull my finger.

Reality is a figment of your imagination.
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
Rehab is for quitters.

Santa’s Elves Are Just A Bunch Of Subordinate Clauses
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
Save a tree, eat a beaver.
Save on gas, go fart in a jar.
Save the planet recycle an environmentalist.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prize

Smile and the world smiles with you, Fart and you stand alone.

Someday your prince will come. Mine got lost took a wrong turn and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep!!'s what's for dinner.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of the oncoming train.

The sky is always bluer at the top of the windshield.
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
The squeaky wheel is often replaced.
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.

This car is constipated: hasn't passed a thing all day!
This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.
This car is protected by an anti-theft sticker!
This is not an abandoned car.
This is the rebel base.
This truck has been in 15 accidents...and hasn't lost one yet..
This vehicle insured by Smith and Wesson.

Unless You're A Hemorrhoid, STAY OFF MY ASS!

Was today really necessary?
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
We are having EVER so much fun!
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What if the Hokey Pokey really is what its all about?
What If There Were No Hypothetical Questions?


Where There’s A Will, I’m In The Way.
Where there's a will there's a BEER!
Where there's a will, I want to be in it!

Who died and made YOU Darth Vader?.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why do they call it a bumper if you're not going to use it?

YES this is my truck, NO I won't help you move!.
Yes, As A Matter Of Fact, I Do Own The Whole Damn Road!

You Are Depriving Some Village Of Its Idiot
You are driving to close I can see your bald spot.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
You are right where you belong, behind me!


You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Only Speak To Me
Your Child May Be An Honor Student, But You’re Still An Asshole
Your honor student deals the best drugs.


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